Saturday, October 09, 2010

Confessions :)

Indulgence has been around for more than 4 years now. 4 years of predominantly silent observation interspersed with some outbursts of emotions and creativity. It stands witness to the creative and spiritual journey I have had from 1st year of college to a professional life. At times, its naive, over-simplified, at times, too impassioned, and at others, too dreamy. I always write on impulse, and that is the reason for the long periods of lull. Writing happens to me. I never review, re-write, or re-read more than once. If I do, its very probable I eventually wouldn't post it. However, I wish to change. I wish to be a more disciplined writer who starts with an idea, nurtures it over time, chooses just the right words and then embellishes it with better phrases and beautiful imageries before presenting it.

As I read through Indulgence, I have the urge to make minor alterations here and there. But there are a few things that I think will remain as its identity: the blog description and the 'about me'. They continue to be relevant even today. I still evolve. I still consciously try to improve on at least one count each day, I remain a perennial learner, head over heels in love with life, and I truly believe this relationship will remain as rosy :)

An individual's perceptios are subject to constant change. There came a point when I became content, truly happy and in sync with the world, it was peaceful and perfect. But thank God, it was only a phase! Perfection is boring. There has to be something that bothers you, irks you, stirs you and provokes you. Something to which you respond passionately, hysterically. Some cause to keep your mind ticking and your heart racing. Something that keeps you awake till morning, something that kindles and quenches a million flames inside you. Something that keeps you alive! Ignorance is bliss. So when life becomes too blissful, go out there and explore, live it a little more. Find reasons to celebrate. But also find reasons to complain. And change.

I have gone through phases of utter loss in self belief. At one point I felt, I couldn't write anymore. I tried to write a decent something and failed-many times. And then I realized where I was going wrong. I had started writing for an audience, unlike earlier when I wrote only for myself. In fact, I would try hard to hide what I wrote to keep anyone from reading it. May be earlier, when it was not this easy for mediocre talent to get published, people wrote with more honesty and fluidity, and worked harder for improvement. But then, it was upto me, to try and not hide. To not just portray some shades of my thoughts but to be able to be myself, entirely, the whole package- the lovely things and the not-so-lovely ones. I'll try to do that more. I'll try to be.